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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for Tuesday, January 10

Tips on how to sneeze, in case you have forgotten

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Tottenham Hotspur v Wolverhampton Wanderers - Premier League Photo by Sam Bagnall - AMA/Getty Images

hello hello - today is part two of the trilogy surrounding fitzie’s saturday.

So disgusting. Horrified. Still, after all these days.

Your hoddler-in-chief’s saturday took a terrible, terrible turn around 4pm.

I was riding an elevator up when a man, looking very ill, began a sneezing fit sans covering his mouth.

And then, my dears, your hoddler-in-chief felt a snot droplet make contact with his face. Disgusting. Horrifying.

Your HIC ran down an upwards-moving elevator to wipe the snot away from his face. Just as he did, ANOTHER drop makes contact with his hand. How on earth does one:

  1. Sneeze downwind?
  2. Not cover their freaking mouth?

So here are some tips for you on how to sneeze:

And just to build on this excellent video:

  • Sneeze away from people, especially if you’re on an elevator. Sneezing downwind is NOT A GOOD IDEA
  • Sneeze into your arm, preferably that elbow pit. The closer your mouth is to it, the fewer germs that can land on other people’s faces!
  • If you’re that ill, just stay at home - or mask up!

No one should ever, ever experience the horrors of being sneezed on. Let’s all hope your HIC has a continued clean bill of health.

Share your sneezing tips here!

Fitzie’s track of the day: Don’t Stand So Close to Me, by The Police

And now for your links:

Alasdair Gold: Emerson responds to criticism from Spurs fans

The Athletic ($$): Gareth Bale’s story will be told for generations

BBC on the evolution of Gareth Bale

Transfer rumours: Chelsea look to sign Atletico Madrid’s Joao Felix on loan

NWSL bans four coachces in response to investigation on abuse and misconduct