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The Hoddle of Coffee: Tottenham Hotspur news and links for Monday, April 24

Things to do instead of watching Tottenham

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Tottenham Hotspur Women Training Session Photo by Tottenham Hotspur FC/Tottenham Hotspur FC via Getty Images

good morning everyone! No players on the Tottenham men’s squad deserve to be in the hoddle’s main image, so this week we’ll be featuring the women, loanees and the youth!

Even before Sunday’s kick-off, I didn’t think there was much reason to watch Spurs this season anymore. And could you possibly blame me?

Filling Tottenham Hotspur stadium with fans - and receiving an always boisterous group of fans on away days - are privileges for a football club. Not a right. I watch plenty of lower-league football whose stadiums are sometimes no more than half capacity.

And I watch baseball where the Oakland A’s minor league affiliate gets greater attendance than the major league squad.

I missed the first 50 minutes of the match because I went for a run on a gorgeous spring morning. I flicked on the TV, saw the 5-1 scoreline and immediately flicked it back off.

There was a time when I binged the trashy programme Below Deck. A year or so ago I stopped watching it and noticed how much better my life was without it.

I do wonder if not watching Spurs the rest of this season will have a similar effect. I think it’s worth a shot. So here are some suggestions on what to do instead of watching Tottenham play:

  1. Go for a run! Or to the gym! Or for a walk.
  2. Sleep in! Especially for you West Coast Americans out there. Tottenham don’t deserve your attention.
  3. Go out for a nice breakfast, lunch or dinner depending on your timezone.
  4. How about read a book? No better way to escape the cruelties of Tottenham than by indulging in a good story.
  5. Watch the women’s squad! Give them all your support. Or switch to the lower leagues - like the Championship - or even watch other football in Italy or Germany.
  6. Cartoons are great fun. I miss being a kid and watching those on Saturday and Sunday mornings. You know who never let me down? Spongebob.

All this is to say: This men’s squad isn’t worth my time or attention anymore. Nor are they worth yours. They’ve shown that so many times this season and Hugo Lloris’s “probably” apology is incredibly insufficient.

So when Spurs play again on Thursday, and then again on Saturday, you can rest assured fitzie will be doing something else.

Fitzie’s track of the day: You Keep Me Hangin’ On, by The Supremes

And now for your links:

Jack P-B ($$) on a ‘broken Tottenham’ and four years of bad decisions

Leyton Orient seal promotion to EFL League One

Wrexham promoted from Vanarama National League; Hollywood owners join in celebrations

Vincent Kompany named EFL Championship manager of the season