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Uli Hoeness says Kane “has made up his mind” to join Bayern

God, just shut up.

MMM-Messe 2023 Photo by Alexander Hassenstein/Getty Images

The Harry Kane discourse wars continue between the Germans and the English. Late last week we had what felt like positive news (if you’re on Team Harry Stays) from the UK that suggested Kane was not going to raise a stink and force a move to Bayern this summer, despite numerous reports that he’s already agreed personal terms. It wasn’t like he kissed the badge or anything but he did get on the airplane to Perth on Friday.

Enter former Bayern GM and current board member Uli Hoeness.

God, just SHUT UP. Maybe this is true. It’s certainly possible that Kane has made up his mind to leave and all of what we’re hearing right now on the London side is kayfabe designed to make the transition as smooth and painless to all involved as possible. That seems like a reasonable thing that could happen. There’s every chance that Spurs do end up selling him to Bayern before the end of the window.

But that doesn’t mean I have to like hearing it from an elderly German toad-man who’s couching his rhetoric in terms of inevitability. This is spectacularly arrogant shit from Hoeness, and I really don’t understand the purpose in saying it to the press when the onus is on Bayern to actually put in a competitive bid. What’s the point? Saying this kind of crap out loud isn’t going to make Daniel Levy any more likely to sell Kane to Bayern. If anything, it’ll just make him dig in his heels even more, because while Levy is a hard-ass there’s one thing he hates and that’s being taken advantage of.

Bayern have made two offers for Kane: one for €60m (£51.5m) and one for €80m (£68.5m). Levy is, according to reports, holding out for something closer to £100-120m (€116-140m), though if there’s a final number it’s probably somewhere around or just north of €100 (£86m). And that’s assuming Bayern make that kind of an offer at all. Would a deal get done if Bayern actually open their pocketbooks? Maybe. It probably should! That’d be, in my estimation, a fair price for the best striker in England who just turned 30 and is in the last year of his contract, and who apparently wants to go.

But hear me out. I’m a fan, and this is a Tottenham fan blog so I’m going to respond on behalf of all Spurs fans: shut the hell up, Uli. I can live with selling Kane to your insanely-run club for the right price, but that doesn’t mean I want to listen to your arrogant mewling about how Spurs will be “forced” to sell “if [Kane] keeps his word.” It’s not all up to Kane, and thus far Tottenham have not been willing to play ball. If I’m Levy, I just jacked up Kane’s price by another €25m.