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Tottenham 2-1 Brighton: Player ratings to the theme of weird fishing lure names

Don’t overthink it

Traditional fishing hooks Photo by: Kike Calvo/Universal Images Group via Getty Images

Tottenham Hotspur got back to winning ways on Saturday, coming from behind to defeat Brighton & Hove Albion 2-1 thanks to a 2nd half injury time winner from Brennan Johnson. It was a great finish! I’m not so certain it was a great match. The league results went Spurs’ way as well — thanks to Aston Villa losing to Manchester United, Spurs popped back up into fourth place in the Premier League table and now that they have their international stars back and are through their injury crisis, Ange Postecoglou should have a much-improved squad available for the end of the season run-in.

Today’s theme is from The Sleeper’s Sleep, who forwarded this webpage to me — just a simple review of “10 weird fishing lures” that any prospective angler should try sometime. I’m not a fisherman. I know very little about fishing. What I do know is that some of these fishing lure names are funny. That’s it. There’s no analysis here, no deep dive — we’re coming out of Super Bowl weekend, I’ve got a big week at the day job ahead, and my time is precious. Sometimes Beavis & Butthead surface-level jokes are all you get. Enjoy them, or not, whatever.

Here are your Tottenham Hotspur player ratings for their 2-1 win over Brighton to the theme of weird fishing lure names.

4.5 stars: Yamamoto Lures Flappin’ Hog

Flappin’ Hog. lol....lmao

Pape Sarr (Community — 4.0): A strong candidate for man of the match. Super dynamic in midfield, even when he’s not perfect. Did well to follow up his deflected pass to tap in the equalizer with his left foot. It’s good to have him back.

4 stars: Bass Pro Shops XTS Mini Dad Crankbait

Mini. Dad. Crankbait. Come ON.

Guglielmo Vicario (Community — 4.0): Lost in all the (mostly bogus) “IS HE STRONG ENOUGH” stuff from last week is that Googly Elmo is a hell of a shot stopper. That fingertip save on Mitouma was top-shelf, and whether other teams body him on corners doesn’t reduce how glad I am to have him on this Tottenham team.

Cristian Romero (Community — 4.0): Apart from the penalty and a couple of early shots, Brighton really didn’t generate a ton of threat from open play, just 0.4 npxG. Romero was a big part of why. Solid defensive performance and quite good in the press.

Richarlison (Community — 3.5): I thought Richy had another very nice match despite not scoring. Had a few chances blocked or saved, but did all the other stuff — hold-up play, pressing, etc. — very well and without complaint.

Son Heung-Min (Community — 4.0): How incredible is it that we have the possibility to bring a world-class player like Son on off the bench? Incredible cross to Brennan for the winner, and looked dangerous as soon as he came on. Loved the crowd reaction to his entrance and Cuti giving up the armband.

3.5 stars: Berkley PowerBait Bearded Crazy Legs Chigger Craw

I mean. The description says “Great on a football head or a swing-head jig” which are definitely words that presumably mean things.

James Maddison (Community — 3.5): Starting to get back up to speed and look a little less rusty. Set up Richarlison early, forced a save on a free kick, and involved in the build-up for the match winner. No complaints.

Dejan Kulusevski (Community — 3.5): A hockey assist for the Sarr goal and looked more involved and lively than we’ve seen from him lately, especially in the second half.

Timo Werner (Community — 3.5): Timo’s just a smart, smart player, The execution might still be a little off, but he was getting into space plenty during this match and his vision for where to be and when is right there. Definitely worth playing him, though where he fits with Sonny back remains to be seen.

Yves Bissouma (Community — 3.5): Didn’t seem much worse for wear after AFCON and a bout with malaria. Had some good midfield tackles and didn’t look out of place in the midfield. Hopefully he’s reined in some of the more rash stuff that’s got him into trouble this season.

Ange Postecoglou (Community — ): Some of his subs were due to knocks, but I did question whether a triple sub at 62’ was the right call, especially after Brighton started asserting themselves more right afterwards. But it’s hard to question the results and it’s nice he finally has a full cupboard to work with.

3 stars: Berkley PowerBait Floating Mouse Tails

I have questions.

Pedro Porro (Community — 3.5): A rather subdued performance from Porro in this one. Picked up a late knock, hopefully he’s ok.

Micky van de Ven (Community — 3.5): Micky was immense in Spurs’ last match, less so today after a cheap early giveaway and conceding the penalty which Groß converted. Improved as the match went on.

Destiny Udogie (Community — 3.5): Brighton clearly thought containing Destiny was key to stopping Spurs, and they shut him down pretty well. Had some good defensive possessions, subbed off late with a knock.

2.5 stars: Megabass Dark Sleeper

Supposedly if you say “Fred Arbogast Jitterbug” three times into a mirror at midnight this will show up under your pillow by dawn.

Rodrigo Bentancur (Community — 3.0): It’s hard for me to disentangle how much Lolo being bad is due to him coming back from a serious long-term injury and how much is him not being a good fit tactically with Ange-Ball. I hope it’s the former, but I’m worried. Gave the ball away in the buildup to the penalty, got bullied in the press. Got a little better over time. Maybe he just needs to play through it?

Brennan Johnson (Community — 3.5): “But he scored the winner!” He sure did, and that ruled! But he was downright awful for the remainder of his shift on Saturday. I said in the comments that he was awful right up to the point where he became the best player in Tottenham’s history. 1.5 stars for the performance, 4 stars for the goal.

1 star: VMC Tokyo Rig

It’s just a hook with a straight wire coming off of it. Fish are dumb.

No Tottenham Hotspur player was as bad as the VMC Tokyo Rig.

Tom Carroll Memorial Non-Rating

Ben Davies, Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg