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Dispatches from #batcountry

Bat Country: No, Harry Kane is not buying out the last year of his contract

This would be sad if it weren’t so pathetic by a certain German outlet.

Bat Country: For the last time, Spurs are not buying Gareth Bale

Filed under "not this again."

Dispatches from Batcountry: no, Inter Milan have probably not agreed a deal for Tanguy Ndombele

This is almost certainly agent-driven news.

Tottenham Hotspur negotiating Gareth Bale transfer. Can it really happen?

A deadline day move away from Real Madrid feels unlikely given the circumstances.

Batcountry: Spurs to attempt swoop for Southampton’s Hojbjerg

Oh yeah, THAT’S the stuff.

Bat Country: Spurs want Thomas Lemar on loan from Atletico Madrid

Silly Season has returned!

Bat Country: Zidane demands Real Madrid sign Eriksen

Real Madrid want Eriksen. In other news, water is wet.

Report: Levy tried to sign Bale on loan; it did not work

Levy gonna Levy

Report: Spurs tried to buy Fulham’s Mitrovic on deadline day

Who knows if this actually happened, but going after Mitro in the summer would be neat.

Dispatches from Bat Country: Real Madrid inquiring about Harry Kane

Sure, you can ask. You just have to ask Levy.

Unreliable sources link Fernando Llorente with January transfer to Spain and Turkey

These are really stupid sources and I kind of hope one of them is accurate!

Bat Country: Tottenham looking to Norwich for right back depth

Silly Season is here, everyone! Let’s head to the salt mine.

No, Real Madrid are not purchasing Kieran Trippier for £50m

It’s crazy and won’t happen. (But — SHHHH — it’s also a not entirely terrible idea!)

No, Gareth Bale isn’t coming back to Tottenham

It’d be super cool if it happened. It isn’t going to happen.

#Batcountry: Antonio Conte wants Llorente at Chelsea

Silly season!

Bat Country: Rumor mill somehow links Spurs to Benfica Fullback

January is right around the corner, so Bat Country is in full swing.

Bat Country: Manchester United want Harry Kane instead of Cristiano Ronaldo

Jose Mourinho is a dreamer.

Bat Country: Spurs offering Sissoko to Barcelona

This is possibly the greatest transfer rumor of all time.

Bat Country: Lamela to Roma?

It was only a matter of time before we heard this rumor.

#batcountry: Are Spurs swooping for Gaitan?

The rumor mill is swirling, saying that Spurs have enquired about either a purchase or loan for Gaitan, despite him having joined Atletico only this past summer.

Bat Country: Dele to China?

The super-rich want to keep throwing the cash around.

Bat Country: Sissoko for Barkley?

Whatever you say, Mirror.

Bat Country: Davies to Palace on loan?

Ah, the joys of following the club that gets ALL the rumors.

Chelsea, Bayern target ‘unhappy’ Eric Dier

Dumb rumor is dumb

PSG considering £50m summer bid for Dele Alli

Only £50m? Get out.

Sissoko already linked with loan to Italy

This is a pretty fantastically crap source! But we can dream...

Spurs linked with rando Luxembourgian

This just might be the dumbest rumor of all time.

#batcountry: Arsenal in for Alli? LOL NO

Supposedly this is a thing that a..ahahahahahahahaha no seriously stop

#BatCountry: Lamela to Inter?

Sometimes even we're amazed at how hilarious these rumors are.

Zlatanham Hotspur? Noooooope.

Tottenham has been linked with a move to sign Zlatan Ibrahimovich and OMG you guys I can't

#batcountry: Spurs linked to Atletico's Saul

Better call Saul, because you're not going to see him wearing a Tottenham shirt anytime soon.

#BatCountry: Topal on a free transfer to Spurs?

Dumb rumor is dumb, but let's at least look at it.