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Tottenham Hotspur Player Ratings

Norwich 0-5 Tottenham: Player ratings to the theme of Top Gun pilots

ANTONIO! TAKE ME TO BED OR LOSE ME FOREVER!

Tottenham 1-0 Burnley: player ratings to the theme of Premier League mascots

That’s people in suits, not adorable children holding hands with players.

Tottenham 3-0 Arsenal: player ratings to the theme of screw it everyone gets 5 stars

We’re celebrating.

Liverpool 1-1 Tottenham: Player ratings to the theme of football scran

Fans gotta eat.

Tottenham Hotspur 3-1 Leicester City: player ratings to the theme of non-dairy milks

Tottenham 0-1 Brighton: Player ratings to the theme of homemade cookies

Ready, set, argue!

Aston Villa 0-4 Tottenham Hotspur: Player ratings to the theme of American national parks

All national parks are good. Some parks are more gooder than other parks.

Tottenham 5-1 Newcastle: player ratings to the theme of new castles

It’s thematic!

Tottenham 3-1 West Ham: player ratings to the theme of photos of my cats in response to Kurt Zouma

Hey Kurt — we’re animal lovers here.

Manchester United 3-2 Tottenham: player ratings to the theme of Oreo cookie flavors

Who’s that kid with the Oreo cookie?

Tottenham 5-0 Everton: player ratings to the theme of spiders

Wait, WHAT? Is this really a Dustin article?

Leeds 0-4 Tottenham: Player ratings to the theme of Wordle starting words

Nothing but green squares.

Manchester City 2-3 Tottenham: Player ratings to the theme of Tottenham wins over Man City

I know you all wanted bread. This is better.

Tottenham 0-2 Wolves: Player ratings to the theme of badly drawn Spurs caricatures

This feels appropriate.

Tottenham 2-3 Southampton: Player ratings to the theme of AI-generated valentines

Happy Love Day!

Chelesa 2-0 Tottenham: player ratings to the theme of Michigan Department of Transportation snowplow names

Snow way am I dwelling on this match.

Leicester 2-3 Tottenham: Player ratings to the theme of miracles

Do you believe in them? YES!

Watford 0-1 Tottenham: player ratings to the theme of mascots observing moments of silence

A quick and easy theme for a busy blogger

Southampton 1-1 Tottenham: player ratings to the theme of patron saints that kind of remind me of Spurs

Let us pray (for a win).

Tottenham 3-0 Crystal Palace: player ratings to the theme of foxes

Tottenham 2-2 Liverpool: player ratings to the theme of animated rodents

Carty Free readers have spoken on Spurs’ player ratings against Liverpool.

Tottenham Hotspur 3-0 Norwich: player ratings to the theme of Christmas trees

Deck the halls.

Tottenham 2-0 Brentford: player ratings to the theme of fried potatoes

Everyone was good! Everyone was fried potatoes!

Tottenham 2-1 Leeds: Player ratings without a theme because look man, I’m busy

Time is short and needs must.

Everton 0-0 Tottenham: player ratings to the theme of college athletics logos that look kinda pervy

Just go with it.

West Ham 1-0 Tottenham: player ratings to the theme of actually scary horror movies

Spoiler: it isn’t Nightmare on Elm Street.

Newcastle 2-3 Tottenham: Player ratings to the theme of organizations that support oppressed people in Saudi Arabia

Spurs got three points, played well, and saved a life. That’s a good day.

Tottenham 2-1 Aston Villa: player ratings to the theme of footballer hair transplants

Hair today, gone tomorrow.

Tottenham 0-3 Chelsea: Player ratings to the theme of Lucky Charms marshmallows

Crystal Palace 3-0 Tottenham: player ratings to the theme of things burning in the Getty photo editor

Burning down the house.

Tottenham 1-0 Watford: Player Ratings to the Theme of Crusader Kings 3 patch notes

Behold.

Wolves 0-1 Tottenham: player ratings to the theme of angry Arsenal fans in this photo

Why yes, we are EXACTLY this juvenile.