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Tottenham Hotspur Player Ratings

Tottenham 0-3 Chelsea: Player ratings to the theme of Lucky Charms marshmallows

Crystal Palace 3-0 Tottenham: player ratings to the theme of things burning in the Getty photo editor

Burning down the house.

Tottenham 1-0 Watford: Player Ratings to the Theme of Crusader Kings 3 patch notes

Behold.

Wolves 0-1 Tottenham: player ratings to the theme of angry Arsenal fans in this photo

Why yes, we are EXACTLY this juvenile.

Tottenham 1-0 Man City: player ratings to the theme of photos of Harry Kane falling over

Y’all knew this was coming.

Tottenham 2-0 Wolves: Player ratings to the theme of destinations for Harry Kane

I feel bad for Tottenham. But this is tremendous content.

Tottenham 4-0 Sheffield United: player ratings to the theme of potential Spurs player-managers

Thinking outside the box!

Tottenham 2-1 Southampton: player ratings to the theme of Masons

Thanks, Ossiemandias!

Tottenham 1-3 Manchester United: player ratings to the theme of Sesame Street sketches that wouldn’t air today

We’re taking a trip in the way-back machine.

Newcastle 2-2 Tottenham: Player ratings to the theme of Girl Scout Cookies

Spurs suck again, so we’re discussing cookies.

Aston Villa 0-2 Tottenham: player ratings to the theme of chicken nugget dips

Get in losers, we’re dippin’ nuggets.

Arsenal 2-1 Tottenham: NLD player ratings to the theme of things that suck

Don’t make me write this.

Tottenham 4-1 Crystal Palace: player ratings to the theme of crystal palaces

Why haven’t we done this before?

Fulham 0-1 Tottenham: Player ratings to the theme of core M&M colors

A throwaway theme for a throwaway match.

Tottenham 4-0 Burnley: player ratings to the theme of art that resembles this photo of Gareth Bale

Art imitates life imitates art.

Manchester City 3-0 Tottenham: Player ratings to the theme of Spurs v. City Moments

There have been a few, some good and some bad.

Tottenham 2-0 West Brom: Player ratings to the theme of self-care

Be good to yourselves.

Brighton 1-0 Tottenham: player ratings as represented by a simple table

Because who wants to write about and relive THAT?

Tottenham 1-3 Liverpool: Player ratings to the theme of inexpensive bourbon (revised)

Because we all need a drink right now.

Sheffield 1-3 Tottenham Hotspur: player ratings to the theme of USA state flags

Fun with Flags is back!

Tottenham 1-1 Fulham: player ratings to the theme of people who don’t exist

CONTENT WARNING: skip this if you’re squeamish about computer generated body horror.

Tottenham 3-0 Leeds: Player ratings to the theme of 2020 Tottenham Moments

Let’s take a quick look back and then never talk about 2020 ever again.

Wolves 1-1 Tottenham: Player ratings to the theme of former players now managing their old club

It’s a homecoming!

Tottenham 0-2 Leicester: player ratings to the theme of emoji

What a crappy game.

Liverpool 2-1 Tottenham: Player ratings to the theme of Pantone Fall/Winter 2020 color swatches

Forget about that match and let’s talk about color.

Tottenham 1-1 Crystal Palace: Themeless player ratings

Look, sometimes you just get busy, you know?

Tottenham Hotspur 2-0 Arsenal: player ratings to the theme of M&M flavors

Candy ratings! Let’s argue!

Chelsea 0-0 Tottenham: player ratings to the theme of current MLS logos

Graphic design is my passion.

Tottenham 2-0 Man City: Player ratings to the theme of ways to spend Thanksgiving during a global pandemic

Hint: there is only one acceptable answer.

West Brom 0-1 Tottenham: Player ratings to the theme of international flags

We are not judging your country. We are, however, judging your country’s flag.

Tottenham 2-1 Brighton: player ratings to the theme of holidays, ranked by food quality

Let’s talk about holiday food!

Burnley 0-1 Tottenham: player ratings to the theme of Halloween specials

Boo!