Spurs reportedly interested in Bundesliga striker

Batcountry Season comes earlier and earlier every season, friends. This year, it's already here in full force, and it's just mid-October! Today's Batcountry rumor comes by way of the Express, who think Tottenham Hotspur are interested in Mainz 05 winger and striker Shinji Okazaki.

Since you might be interested to know something about Okazaki in case this strays out of Batcountry territory, he's pretty good! He's equally impressive in the Bundesliga and for Japan, and equally adept at playing right wing and striker. However, he hasn't played much on the left, so he's not a great fit for the Jay Rodriguez Memorial Left Wing Role. He's also not physically imposing and might get bullied in the Premier League.

But that's not what you're here for. You're here to be amused by me making fun of a bad rumor article.

Arsenal, Liverpool and Tottenham eye Japanese sensation Shinji Okazaki

Awesome start with the headline. The best way to know a rumor is total nonsense is if a publication is just throwing out a bunch of random big teams to get on their NewsNow pages. Yes, this is a strategy that these outlets employ on purpose. Sorry for breaking the fourth wall.

ARSENAL, Liverpool & Tottenham are monitoring the progress of Japanese international Shinji Okazaki.

Good word choice in the subhead. "Monitoring the progress". Like Okazaki isn't 28 damn years old with experience in multiple World Cups and over 100 Bundesliga matches. We "monitor the progress" of 19-year-old Ajax prospects, not 28-year-old World Cup veterans.

The 28-year-old is valued at around £8m, but with just less than two-years of his contract remaining - he may be sold for a moderately reduced fee.

Okay, reasonable enough. Nothing to make fun of here. That fee seems like something an English team would pay and around the range that Mainz would demand. Nailed this part!

Meanwhile the Gunners seem the most likely candidates to pursue Okazaki, and can certainly afford to lure 'the most prolific Japanese player ever to grace Germany's top flight' to the Emirates.

Shinji Kagawa says hi!

Likelihood this is a thing: 2/10.